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06:21 pm
[Link] | So this is it, basically.
The beginning of the end.
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02:12 pm
[Link] |
"you're growing up, you're growing up..."
So I guess this is what it feels like to be a responsible, mature adult.
Hah. I like it. :-)
Current Mood:  excited
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12:25 am
[Link] |
insanity
I don't think I can stand being inside my mind for much longer.
Current Mood:  anxious
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04:51 pm
[Link] |
and it drags on.....
It's been 6 years. 6. Years.
6
motherfucking.
years.
Lord, help me.
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12:04 am
[Link] |
cat's outta the bag
Welllll.
So much for that.
.........
Shit.
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11:50 am
[Link] |
life changes
I guess it's about that time for me to start acting like a woman, huh?
And I'm not too sure whether to be elated or depressed by it.
Current Mood:  contemplative
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04:16 am
[Link] |
identity?
I just realized that I have no self.
Just two seconds ago I was talking to people on IM...and I actually had to ask myself "is this really something I would say?"
It'a crazy, because it's CAITLIN, and I shouldn't be wondering if I'm being myself around her.
I've been hiding a long, long time...now I'm not even sure if I had a true self to begin with.
Why is this happening now? WHY? Where the hell have I been? I suppose if I haven't had a self I've been nowhere, or perhaps everywhere...
This, honestly, is fucked up. I am SERIOUS. What the HELL is wrong with me?!!!
....BAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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08:05 pm
[Link] |
uh. oh.
It's starting again.
And I don't like it.
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08:56 pm
[Link] |
hiding
And that's the danger in pretending....
...trying to defend yourself from someone else's war.
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08:48 pm
[Link] |
......
Umm...answer this question, will you...
Can faith be lost forever?
Or am I letting go? Again?
Oh, God. Help me.
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09:50 pm
[Link] |
OGHIOUF
WHAT THE SHIT.
Omfg.
What the hell...?!
I mean, who does she think she -
COME FUCKING ONNNNNNN
Why am I the only one being blamed-?.......
grrrkcvjklxfsrkudjkdfgnlksnhgoishjfiophjsiodhxdofuihsdoifhouihcvjkxbnxjfgdfhcfvgfxdgsddfsddgf
GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
...............and that's all I have to say about that.
Current Mood:  angry
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06:52 pm
[Link] |
beasts of the field
You know, I've spent a decent amount of time wondering what I'd be like if certain events hadn't happened. Like if I hadn't moved around as much, or....or if I had never met my best friend.. Or if I had never made an attempt to hurt myself. Ever. Would I be a better person today, or, possibly....a worse?
The question is NOT whether we are good or bad
The question is, are we even people at all?
Or pets to a higher power.
Animals up for the slaughter.
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01:36 pm
[Link] |
Fabala
I had a dream that I had green skin.
It's fate.
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02:20 am
[Link] |
.....
Everyday I think people can't get anymore ignorant.
And every single day, I am repeatedly proven wrong.
Pff. You would THINK that I would've caught on by now...
But..you know me. Just can't take a goddamn hint.
Current Mood: aggravated
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03:34 pm
[Link] |
Phantom of the Lonely
You know, I've always wondered why I seemed to have this strange connection towards the Phantom in the Phantom of the Opera. I've always felt sorry for him. Well, of course I have, what heart wouldn't burn if you heard about a man subjected to ridicule all the time for something he couldn't help? But even so, most people would have some sympathy for Christine and Raoul as well. Come on, Christine has to choose between two men, she just wants to be left alone but the poor girl is always stuck in the limelight for unwanted reasons. And the poor girl has a freakin' murderous stalker. And Raoul...he's forced to fight for his soulmate and risks losing her time and time again no matter how hard he tries. But I've never felt sorry for those two. In fact, I've always felt some sort of resentment towards them. And now I know why.
Now, everyone would love to be in that kind of love triangle that those three are in. Come on, what could be better than having two men/women fighting for your affections? I know I've always dreamt of finding myself in a situation like that. And now, finally, it's happened...just not in the way I expected. I'm not the Christine in the situation
I'm the Phantom.
And Christine has made her (his?) choice.
And if you're familiar with the tale, you know who she goes with.
And I have ended up alone.
If I ever fantasize about anything ever again, just please, someone slap me. Hard. Obviously I'm not cut out for it.
Current Mood:  melancholy
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12:23 am
[Link] |
pssh.
Went to bed at 5 in the morning yesterday. There's something special about falling asleep just as it's starting to get light out...
I love summer.
Every last moment of it.
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10:58 pm
[Link] |
yeah.
Damn tendonitis is acting up again...my wrist kills.
But other than that, I think I'm gonna be ok.
I see a light at the end of the tunnel.
And it looks mighty fine to me.
Current Mood:  sleepy
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09:10 pm
[Link] |
awkward.
Therapy at a restaurant. Awkward much? A good chunk of our session was spent talking about sex. Mortifying is the only way to describe it. I think my face was red for half of the time I spent there. But it'll all be worth it, in the long run. If he can help me with this.
This is my last resource. If this doesn't work out....it's time to welcome a spinster style of life.
I have a feeling it'll work out this time, but just in case...I should start coming up with names.
Fluffy, Whiskers, Mr. Bigglesworth...
Dear God.
Current Mood:  complacent
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11:44 am
[Link] |
restless
Ok. Last night it was hot. My room was sweltering so I laid a sheet down on the couch in the living room to sleep. The whole three hours I spent laying there was not sleeping, but tossing and turning, the ticks coming from the clock making me want to jump out of my skin. I gave up and went up into my room, removing most of my clothes because I was dying, turned the fan on full blast, and tried in vain to sleep. It didn't come. I laid there facedown, staring at the pillow mashed up against my face, and wondered how long this is going to continue.
How long I'm going to be imprisoned in my mind.
Current Mood:  numb
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12:39 pm
[Link] | And...on second thought...
Look at my past and not be tempted to relive it.
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